the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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