Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
