There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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