Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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