i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
