just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
