For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
