I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
