I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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