So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He better not be in your backpack
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
