Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
