shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
