hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
