I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
