it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
