I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
