so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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