Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
there is glitter all over my balls
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