Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
