So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
