dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
