I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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