just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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