I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
