He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He? As in you personified your dick?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
