I think I died a long time ago.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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