oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
