where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
