Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize