just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
