I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
as a side note pls kill me
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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