Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
