I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just found puke in my bra..
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
