I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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