Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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