she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
