Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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