everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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