The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Slut skills are useful in every country.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
