Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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