i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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