you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
