you guys were way drunker than both of me
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
then he tried to convert me to islam
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
