somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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