i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
