im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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