He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
