True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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