Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
