I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
