I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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