you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
