He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
