i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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