Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
