sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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