Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you win again, gameday.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
