I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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