I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize