It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you inspire me to be a worse person
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
