Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize