Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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