There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
