We're like a lot better than the average bears
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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