hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize