You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
