everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
