Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
