More tranny stories later!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
