The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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