you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
