I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
