good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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