Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
