that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
