So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
