HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Please, let me fuck your mom
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
