I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
