this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
