I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize