you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
