the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
