She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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